The Poet’s Anecdotes

Ya, selamat menyambut ketibaan bulan yang mulia ini. Bulan bagi meningkat amalan dengan Yang Maha Esa. Bulan yang juga bagi menebuskan dosa-dosa. Bulan dimana umat Islam akan membuat apa sahaja, bagi mendapatkan ganjaran dari Tuhan Yang Maha Berkuasa. Bulan yang.. dah la tu.

Bagi yang lupa niat berpuasa di bulan Syahrut-Tarbiyah ini, dengan suka-sukanya aku berkongsi disini. Harus diingat, berniat pada malam hari untuk mengerjakan puasa pada esok hari nya.

1. Mulakan dengan kalimah Bismillah.
2. Kemudian perkata-kan dalam hati “Nawaitu Rof’al hadathi akbari fardha ala lilla hi taala”.
3. Eh kenapa niat-nya semacam aje.
4. Oh, itu niat mandi wajib lah.
   
5. Kau pun tak perasan kan tadi?
   
6. Eleh baru perasan.
7. Entah-entah tak tahu langsung.

Anyway (perkataan dicondongkan kerana slanga mat saleh), kepada Encik Patrick Adam - selamat di rantai. Bawak-bawak lah berehat. Penat bekerja sepanjang tahun. Taruh ketepi tanduk anda. Syawal nanti pasang balik. Bwahahaha.

Huish, sekian lama tak mengarut. Saban lama tak kemaskini blog. Sampai naik habuk masa login ke panel blog. Betul aku cakap benar ni. 2 inci tebal-nya. Maklumlah, dah takde kawan merepek. Semua hilang menyepi berdiam duduk. All of a sudden everyone went AWOL (dicondongkan lagi). Mane korang? Mu gi mane? Kau katne? Where have you been (dan lagi)? Ni cai nali (eh btol ke bahasa cina ni?)? Yenne anne wer wer wer (versi tamil speaking)? Wah, ber-serba bahasa aku masukkan. Satu Malaysia-lah aku ni.

Banyak nak cerita ni sebenar-nya. Banyak kesah-kesah yang lucu dan pasti mencuit hati. Korang mesti tak sabar nak baca kan? Kan kan? Iya-kan please please please? Eh lupa nak condongkan please. Semula. Iya-kan please please please (sudah dicondongkan)..

Okay-lah. Disebabkan korang merayu, aku akan berkongsi sebuah kesah yang teramat lucu. Lucu-nya sampai korang akan “suke-selok”. Suka, kemudian pergi kat pintu dan “selok”. HAHAHA. Asal aku suka sorang-sorang ni. Maaflah bagi yang tak faham. Lawak spastik orang Terengganu.

Baik. Malas nak berkonar-konar. Terus kepada titik. Lain kali patik cerita. Nak keluar makan ni. Padil dah bangun. Lapo weh. Nok gi makang plok. Last but not least (aha ni pun condongan terkahir), selamat berpuasa. Selamat bermuhasabah diri. Semoga sahabat-sahabat semua berada dalam keadaan sihat walafiat hendaknya dalam menelusuri mehnah dan ujian di dunia ini.

“A great poet is the most precious jewel of a nation.“ - Ludwig van Beethoven

It’s been a tad quiet around here because I haven’t had much inspiration to write or rant about. To be honest, I’ve been ignoring this blog for a while but for an extremely good reason! I thought I should fess up since I didn’t want to keep hiding behind youtube videos. Anyway, I do not intend to abandon this blog and my artistic adventures. I may have forgotten a little of what its like to feel so creative and alive with ideas, in fact I’ve forgotten what its like to have a fully functioning brain but it will all come back to me eventually. Just a question of time.

But as far as the sidereal month is concern, things are pretty much messed up. Bothered with fickle working hours and lotsa errands to run. Lately I don’t enjoy going to work. I am not motivated at all despite being ranked no. 4 of February’s top performers :8) … I guess I’m just born to be lazy.

I remembered I drew the earth with a crown on my coat of arms. I told my colleagues that I’d like to be the king of the world - reaching the pinnacle of things that I favor. However with this inertia syndrome I reckon I’d remain being an incorrigible slave and live to rot.

Moving on… last weekend me and Cornas were working on a simple composition. We aren’t any Michelangeli or Kreutzer but we simply loves to pique our creativity and working on something new apart from the music sheets that we have. It’s just a simple sonata form in D major but I sorta like messed up with my slurs and vibratos. That said more practice needed!

Wrapping up February… I thought of settling down in hometown and be my own boss again. Adalah tanah sekangkang kambing untuk diusahakan and I reckon I could work onto something. My younger sis thought of breeding those fish doctors but I thought that would be too costly and risky. I still can’t think of anything good at the moment but if any of you have any ideas or what not I’d appreciate it much if you could share. I need your two cents..

Semalam aku pergi ke Bentleys Bukit Bintang membeli mute untuk biolaku. Mute ini adalah sejenis aksessori biola dimana apabila dibubuh diatas jambatan, mampu memperlahankan bunyian yang terhasil dari gesekan biola.

Ahad lepas aku dan Cornas berlatih sonata biola No. 9 Beethoven (first movement sahaja itu pun suku tidak sampai!). Cornas sedikit marah kerana aku seolah-olah hilang konsentrasi dan bunyian sumbang terhasil yang agak teragak-agak lalu ditegurnya aku. Makanya, aku terpaksa membeli mute itu supaya aku dapat bermain dan berlatih dengan gigihnya di waktu malam serta memperketatkan lagi permainanku supaya tidak lagi ditegur Cornas.

Bercerita tentang biola, ramai yang bertanyakan padaku, mengapa dan kenapa biola? Soalnya teramat mudah tetapi tidak pada jawabnya. Aku rasa bagaikan sukar untuk mencari ayat menjawabkan pertanyaan itu kerana aku tahu mereka mendambakan satu kata yang ringkas.

Biola tidak boleh disangkal lagi merupakan alat musik paling mengagumkan diantara semua alat musik. Terutama kerana keindahan bentuknya, kesederhanaan bahan yang dipakai dan kemurnian bunyinya. Menyatakan puncak dari pembuatan instrumen.

Bagi mereka yang tidak mengerti biola mungkin hanya mengangkat bahu bila ditanya apa itu biola, padahal sebuah biola adalah karya yang menurutku paling hebat. Bayangkan saja, kalau dipecah biola itu terdiri dari tujuh puluh potong, kesemuanya terletak di antara rangka dan potongan pelengkap.
Bahagian utamanya adalah : kotak resonansi dan stang.

Potongan pelengkapnya adalah : jambatan, kaliber, pengencang, penopang dawai, dagu dan dawai-dawai. Kecuali yang disebutkan, beberapa potong terakhir ini, yang lainnya semua terbuat dari kayu cemara, mapel, kayu hitam, mawar hutan, pir, dan linden. Bukan kayu biasa yang sering kau mainkan di bawah rumah. Kayu-kayu itu dipilih. Ditekuk-tekuk, diketuk-ketuk, didengarkan vibrasinya sebelum dibentuk.

Seperti menyimpan sesuatu yang penuh misteri. Suara gesekan biola itu sungguh syahdu. Ditambah gesekan biola yang dibawakan setiap kalinya hujan maka semuanya menjadi lengkap. Hujan dan biola. Paduan yang aneh. Seperti melayang di ruangan tata suria, melihat planet-planet melingkari matahari dengan teraturnya. Bahkan aku melihat bumi yang sebenarnya tempat aku berpijak di dunia. Aku duduk di atas bulan sabit menatap gemerlap bintang-gemintang. Suasana itu, aduhai, membuat aku ingin berlama-lama bahkan selamanya di situ, di kerajaan langit yang menyimpan keindahan sempurna.

Entah mengapa aku merasa telah lama diperkenalkan oleh Tuhan dengan suara gesekan biola. Suara itu juga yang membuatku sepi. Sedih yang menyayat. Aku terbawa dalam suasana perkabungan. Tompokan tanah basah. Daun-daun seroja berguguran. Ribuan nisan membisu. Hatiku sayu. Tetapi suara biola itu sungguh bersahabat. Seperti membuaiku dan akhirnya aku tidak tahu apa yang terjadi dengan diriku. Aku telah memasuki dunia lain. Dunia yang selalu kuimpikan.

Sebenarnya aku amatlah berkait dengan biola itu sendiri. Buang ketepi keunikan dan keanehan instrument itu, kita sentuh tentang accompaniment (pengiring yang selalunya bermain piano). Alat musik seteliti biola itu pun masih memerlukan accompaniment dalam rancangannya. Dan kadang aku bertanya, adanya karya tersempurna yang pernah ada,maka siapakah accompaniment hidupku? Siapakah gadis itu?

I haven’t really grown up much this past years. I mean, not as much as I hoped I would. I don’t know if many of you know it or not but as far back as I can remember, I have been quite independent. A bit spoiled perhaps, what with me being the eldest and all; but I was left to my own devices. I never really experienced my whole childhood as best as one would expect. And I never got to experience a few developmental milestones that come with it. Sure, I learned how to ride a bike minus the balancers; yeah right, that was when I was twelve years old! A bit too old to learn how to ride a bike, I should say but that’s the truth. I guess it all boils down to being the only spawn in the family.

I’m not telling this bit of history without telling you what prompted these musings. In fact, I will tell you why it relates to the question of reinventing me. In all honesty, I haven’t really thought much about reinventing myself. Well, there’s my battle with my faith and all, but that’s another matter. What I mean to say is that I never realized that I didn’t exactly grow up.

Let’s backtrack a bit to a time where I was in primary school. I’ve said that I was left to my own devices, right? Well, I was left alone most of the time; with constant weekly trips going from one relation to the next, making me feel like a ping pong ball. I’m not saying that it’s a bad thing. No, it wasn’t. In fact, it made me feel more independent. I did my own homework by myself. I did my projects by myself without any help from others. Of course, my work wasn’t as outstanding as the others but I felt proud of it just the same. They were my work. It’s really funny how these bits remind you of who you are.

I haven’t thought about these memories much until yesterday when I thought about them. It does seem like a bleak childhood, doesn’t it? Do I feel melancholy? I would say not. In fact, I would even say that I was luckier than most to do things on my own.

Fast-forward to today. I realized that I forgot how to be independent. Being in another state seemed to have “dumbed” me in a way. I wasn’t the model responsible person but at least, I was a bit responsible for my age. At least, that’s what the cheating wife who promised me sushi said. However, that would not be the case today. It seems like being away from home has made me feel so dependent.

I’ve realized that I haven’t really thought much about what my future would be, hence ignore the previous entry. Maybe being away from home has made my goals go haywire like some jacked-up compass that wouldn’t point north. I realize that now. I should take control of my life and steer it to the right course. I can’t rely on fate, luck or someone else to do it. No, it has to be me.

I may have lost sight of what I want to happen to me but all is not lost yet. I might not be totally reinvented but I know that I am now rejuvenated. I love that word: rejuvenated. I feel it is fitting for what I am about to embark.

All hope is not lost yet. Here’s to my rejuvenated life.

Fajar 2009.

Yours truly shall be more pragmatic and remain with the previous resolutions which by far, have been prolifically achieved. I’ve tick-off cigarettes and poisons for good. Piously a better devotee of the almighty deity, and a better individual literally. I reckon my stance is more rigid now. I’ve surpassed the basics of self-reformation throughout 2008 and 2009 is the year to progress further.

Slowly catching up with the other peers, nothing to rush but honest to God, at this age, I envy their triumph. Financially stable, prominent car(s), proud moms and dads and the rest are at least engaged. I’ve sorted things out wisely and listed down my priorities. And I shall focus on these throughout the year.

1- 1 - Better financial planning.

2- 2 - Debt free.

3- 3 - A wife.

Ah yes a wife. No kidding. Hopefully. Nak kawenlah..

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Beta kembali.

Semangat melayu merapu telah meresapi beta. Semangat kerabat yang meniti dan mengimbangi di antara kebaekan dan kemungkaran. Roh sakti. Beta manusia sakti buat dini hari. Ya beta sakti, tidak seperti sang pepari yang pernah beta kenali. Dan yang paling utama, beta bukan lagi rakyat marhaen yang hina lagi dina yang kamu kenali pada kebanyakan usianya.

Hari ini hari Jumahat. Hari yang cukup signifikan bagi kebanyakan hamba Azza Wa Jalla. Hari berhimpun para pemilik pedang tumpul setiawan mendengar khutbah dan mengambil dengar. Dalam keadaan Perang Donia Kedua yang maseh lagi belum reda (nanti beta cheritakan), beta berjalan kaki mencemar duli menuju ke Masjed Sungai Udang, Dungun. Ya beta di kampong halaman. Rindu pada pantai yang beberapa jejak kaki dari rumah.

Tibanya di Masjed, beta dapati tiada karpet merah yang datang menyambut. Yang pada hemat beta sepatotnya ada kerana beta berdarah kerabat yang angkuh maha suci. Yang beta lihat hanya karpet biasa di dalam masjed. Ewah angkuhnya, takdelah maen-maen jer. Beta ke sana untuk berserah. Karpet alas untuk disujud kepala tidak kira darjat. Dan bolehlah saya berkongsi dengaran di Masjed hari ini adalah tentang kemaafan. Dalam bahasa penjajah - Forgiveness. Ijinkan diri saya yang lagi satu meneruskan cherita…

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Thank you my other self. Okay where to begin? Right, previously in my About Me I wrote that I am the type who forgives, but never forgets. Eventually with the entire fuckstrating situations, and especially the lack of moolah that is, I reckon I morphed into a monster. Being less forgiving, accumulating lots of hatred and the intent to avenge. Simply went out of sense. This average Joe has just turned into Gruesome Joe, ready to whip some ass. Yet today’s sermon at the mosque essentially brought my senses back. The self proclaimed Gruesome Joe which hadn’t really done anything gruesome re-morphed to a commoner. Powerless. Hilang saktinya.

Baek beta ringkaskan cherita. This is about Sofea Haney @ Sofiani, whichever it didn’t matter — the lady who does not live her life just to please anybody. She cheated me twice, twice in the same year. Ah a crafty bitch you are, or maybe I may just be too dumb or too naive to be deceived twice. What a strike honey, two in a row in the same year. Tergigit sekali malunya dua, twofold bitten - vengeance spelled.

Di luar kebiruan kamu muncul kembali. Entah kenapa. Pulang paku buah keras, kini masa untuk beta balas. And so this Gruesome Joe of the royalty worked out on a vengeance plan. Plans perfectly fabricated. Using Rock The World 8 as a bait. I will not go into details but believe me its flawless, guided spiritually by the thoughts of the Southern Water Tribes. I need to restore my honor. I need to restore it on my own, like the banished prince of the Fire Nation.

But the earlier Friday sermon really took me off guard. I was gradually pictured with the beauty of forgiveness. Pak Imam, either your text is excellent or the way you convey it really did twinge my heart. The rock solid hatred like ones bended by the Earth Benders in the Earth Kingdom seems to alleviate. I guess I will need to ditch the evil thoughts of vengeance.

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On my way back home, I thought about the outcome thoroughly. I place myself in a cerebral-court having to face trials, provoking thoughts and what not. And a question by the prosecutor to begin, what exactly do you think that you’ll accomplished?

I thought it’s about getting closure and justice, but the truth is it’s about getting revenge. Fine, maybe it is. Maybe that is what I need. Maybe that is what she deserves. Subsequently, I remembered the monks in the Northern Air Temple used to say that revenge is like a two-headed rat viper, while you watch your enemy go down, you are being poisoned yourself. But this isn’t any temple pre-school, it’s the real world - I defended my qualms.

Yet again I do have a choice, forgiveness, which arguably to some, the same as doing nothing. But no its not, it’s easy to do nothing but it’s hard to forgive. Initially I thought it’s not just hard, but impossible. Thank God it’s Friday (TGIF, not the restaurant), I’ve just witness the beauty of forgiveness which I personally believe is harder to accomplish. Let your anger out, and then let it go. Forgive her. I will not choose vengeance.

Cik Sofea Haney @ Sofiani , whichever it didn’t matter - at first when I read your blog, I thought that I’d understand. There’s nothing inside you. Nothing at all. Pathetic and sad and empty. That is why you’re hiding it from me. But as much as I hate you, I just can’t do it. I don’t know if it’s because I’m too weak to do it or if it’s because I’m strong enough not to. But I know that I did the right thing; forgiveness is the first step I need to take to begin healing myself internally. I am proud of what I did, or what I didn’t do I guess. Vengeance is never an answer, it never is.

I see a rainbow in your blog. I like rainbows too, and am offering you one. Rainbow apologizes for angry skies. I am ready to forgive you, honest to God. I reckon New Year’s Eve by the beach is a good pick but remember that you need balance to restore your life. You will need the sun and the moon, not just sunshine. Tidak semua yang seirama itu senada. Hati-hati. Sempat saya berdoa untuk kamu sejurus selesai solat Jumahat tadi. Semoga yang sebaek-baek nya untuk kamu olihNya. Amin. I’m calling off RTW 8. Maaf.

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And so I reached home. Alhamdulillah selamat pulang ke istana. Sepantas lightning menyambar beta menyalin ke pakaian perang. Sekilas lalu menuju ke medan pertempuran. Beta bagai pesawat pejuang canggih serba ada. Beta memasuki negara musuh. Beta jumpa target. Beta melepaskan bom atom berangkai ke dalam tasek Hiroshima.

PLUP! PLUP! PLUP! Yang maha lega teramat. Tak lama kemudian beta flush. Musnahkan bom. Tasek baru terbentuk. Tamat sudah Perang Donia Kedua.

Wednesday, as some of you may know, was my birthday. Probably best described as a ‘non-event’. I’m usually happy with a lack of fanfare except I was bored out of my brain the entire fucking day - no one around to harass or annoy.

Mid-twenties is really just a ‘nothing’ year. 18, 21, 30, 40, 50 and 60 rank as being important events to celebrate but everything in between isn’t really a milestone. I think my main accomplishment in the last twelve months has been to lose more hair than in any other year.

Presents? Nothing tangible, merely magnanimous wishes, a birthday cake from my younger sis & treats by some friends. Yes… I certainly am unloved this year.

Still even so, I do appreciate all the well-wishes with all my heart. The feeling of being remembered is just something that you can’t put into words. And the most poignant of all would have come from the ever-dearest, the epitome of a woman, the stars & the moon of my galaxy…

“Ya Allah, muliakanlah kawanku ini, bahagiakanlah keluarganya, berkatilah rezekinya, kuatkanlah imannya, berikanlah kenikmatan ibadahnya, jauhkanlah daripada segala fitnah dan permudahkanlah urusan jodohnya. Amin. Happy birthday Nawa (”,) ” - Nazuha Salwa.

Blissfully received on 12th Nov 2008, 08:11:34. I was in the ERL en route to work when magics and aliens suddenly filled the dull world. I see flocks of birds outlining odd patterns, bravura aerial maneuvers, virtuoso of the sky. And that is when I actually took out my think-out-of-the-box journal and note down the phenomenal sight. This is blatantly what I reckon is a gift conveyed unswervingly straight from her heart, to the divinity and specially presented to me.

And in less than 10 days from this entry today, will be arguably her most memorable day. She’s getting married, uhm, to some bloke. To someone who deserve her better than I do.

Selamat Pengantin Baru buat kamu. Semoga berkekalan sehingga ke anak cucu, ke akhir hayat. Amin. Maaf, saya tidak dapat hadir. Kerja kataku. Yet thank you, thank you for the greatest view. And for you Nazuha, remember that I will always be the phonograph that plays your favorite albums back as your lying there drifting off to sleep…

And so another birthday has come and gone. I still do accept any belated presents, till 11th November 2009 that is =) Till then, nice days ahead.

Growing old is no more than a bad habit which a diligent person has no time to form. I have often wished I had time to cultivate modesty but I am too busy thinking about myself. Being a grownup or shall I say, an adult who really is an adult, I summon up some seriousness in each and every stirring of breath.

I believe losers live in the past. Winners learn from the past and enjoy working in the present towards the future. Thus fooling around within the 8 hours stint is no longer a minion which I normally niche in to; especially in my previous employments. It all boils up to having a descent and obviously a better life ahead; for tomorrow belongs to the people who prepare for it today. Usaha, tawakal and doa. Insha-Allah, God understands our prayers even when we can’t find the words to say them.

I now have the virtue to what I am working on and live on every calendar days, unlike those wasted moments in the past. Regardless how hectic life would be, no matter how fibrous the tangles are, I shall try to reach the finishing line. I have a goal now, and I aim for my checkered flag. Dreaming of a happy big family and yes, with my prince(s) and princess(es) as well. May things go my way. Amin.

FINE here comes the ever undaunted update you peasants! And just a short one on things that revolves within the arse..

Assertingly I’ve been to hell and back this week and I’m now pretty much convinced that computers were put on this earth to make life more difficult but firstly,if you’re not interested in the tales of a man pushed to the edge by technology or you know nothing more about computers than how to turn them on, then do what everyone else does best - leave.

By a whisker I deem myself as a computer or an IT savvy but not necessarily meant that I know zilch and not having the will to go extra mile to contemplate on these endless technological evolutionary BUT having to go through a system file which is approximately around 7″ thick with ingenuously plainly nothing to read but scores of DOS-based application screenshots… where I need to distinguish, absorb and execute each and every single cornerstone of it - simply sucks.

Theres the oracle, the silverlake, the intellistor, the EAIM, the CRUs, the whatever, the bla bla bla and still scores of other shits as well which I MUST, A DEFINITE MUST, surmount through within a given short period of time. Nevertheless without a single contrition, I thanked the mighty Lord having given me this wonderful opportunity, venturing into a new sector to make a living. Alhamdulillah.

Moving on… heres a simple question, what month comes after October? Its November you fool and the significance to it? - MY BIRTHDAY, and yet another year older and closer to death.

It dawned on me a couple of days ago that I’m now in the last throws of my mid-twenties which, when you consider it, is only really just a bunch of numbers and shouldn’t mean much. Nothing actually changes right? One day I’ll be 25 and the next 26. Will I sprout wings and fly away? No. Will my hair start falling out? No - I already made a headstart [no pun intended] on that. And most importantly - will I lose my boyish charm? No ….. NOT YET. And that is just it about life. It goes on.

p/s : Ain Humairah, kamu chantek lah tapi saya tak terrer tak tekel. Tengok dari jauh jek.. camne la nak kahwin dengan kamu ya?

Balik kampung makan nasi kuah singgang kunyit, ikan panggang dan budu, sedap! Perut aku memang suka masakan makanan sebegini cuma aku murtad sikit kala tibanya di kota bukan apa tiada kedai yang masakannya seumpama bonda. Simple ringkas itu sahaja cukup untuk membuka selera sebab itu aku suka balik kampung makan nasi kuah singgang kunyit, ikan panggang dan budu, sedap sekali!!

“Mok nok beli ayam ni, mu nok mok masok mende harini?”

“Eh dakpela mak, masok singgang kunyit ikan aye, pastu panggang ikang sekor pastu hmmm budu neh? Pelam mude ada dok? Kalu ada orang kait kejap nok wat makang nge budu..”

“Doh mu mmg takboh ke mok masok ayam ni?”

“Takboh, puah doh makang ayam kat KL..”

Ya lagi satu sebab dah bosan makan makanan masakan di kota sebab itu aku balik kampung makan nasi kuah singgang kunyit, ikan panggang dan budu sedap sekali, betul!

Nah hasilnya, pinggan licin nasi tambah ikan tinggal tulang budu habis kuah singgang sedap hirup semua. Ah bila lagi dapat balik kampung makan nasi kuah singgang kunyit, ikan panggang dan budu sedap sekali (betul aku tak tipu kau)!!